Ours for the Taking
My face can no longer feel my hands,
I tuck my shirt back into my pants.
Everyone is smiling and happy,
A good song gets us clapping.
Tonight is for us and
No one can destroy these plans,
They get us through homework and exams.
The scene is truly entrapping
This place, this time, ours for the taking.
We are young, wild and live to dance.
Our spirits are free, our minds don’t know “can’t.”
The world opens for us; we are mapping
Out our lives with people and places we’ve lapped.
We try our best, we do what we can
This place, this time, ours for the taking.
I chose the formalist style of rondeau to write my poem. I decided to use this one because I like the simplicity of it; three stanzas and one repeating refrain. But I also like how each stanza is a different length, to add some variation. I tried to describe a simple scene, with low level diction and not much imagery in order to let the point of the poem stand out. I think the simplicity yet repetition of the form I chose also enables the main idea to be prominent. The subject of the poem is being young and partying, so it is kind of ironic that the poem is written in a structured form. We looked at a few poems in class that did something similar to this and I thought it would be interesting to experiment with a subject and form that contradict each other in a subtle way.
Rhyming is hard for me, because I feel like it constrains my ideas; having to use a certain word over another one just because it rhymes. However, I enjoyed this exercise and this form because it forced me to try it. I definitely used a slant rhyme on several lines, such as “dance” and “can’t” or “happy” and “clapping.” Besides using a few rhymes that don’t quite rhyme, I mostly stuck to the form’s rules because I don’t usually write with a structure in mind, so it was a challenge that I wanted to take. In some ways it was harder to write this poem than if I had written in free verse, but it was also nice to have some direction and rules to follow.
Hey Alison:
ReplyDeleteI think you did a nice job of managing the rhythm of the Rondeau. The biggest improvement would be with regard to developing concrete, precise, and specific images. Right now, many of these images are generic. There is no color, no specificity to the scene, to the moment, to these ideas. They are somewhat vague and cliche in their vagueness -- "ours for the taking." It isn't a bad place to start, but try to reconceptualize each line so that it isn't a general image, but something specific and visceral, something that is true to the minute details of your own experience. Don't just give us shirts and people and places, Give us specific things in their place--give us descriptive language. What does the clapping really sound like? What are you mapping? What does that map look like? Limit the number of objects in your poem and then develop them. Start there.
Thanks!